"It's crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not even be able to think about it with any sense and yet not be able to think about anything else." -Stanley Kubrick
#TBT to that time a few of my friends and I had a Star Wars marathon (they'd never seen Star Wars before WTF!? 😕 ) and I cooked really delicious Bistec de Palomilla and black beans among other things. We watched Episodes I, II, and III, got day wasted and I really wish time travel was possible so I could go back in time and serve myself another heaping plate. It was really, REALLY good 🍺🍖😍 #ThrowbackThursday
Christmas is 61 DAYS AWAY and we're ALREADY seeing Christmas stuff on store shelves!! 😕 WTF? While we're on this topic... Do you *really* need to wait until a major holiday to buy your girl a fancy gift? ❓❓❓ #ChristmasInOctober 🎄🎅
"It's a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.
And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don't have genuine souls." #GillianFlynn
I CAN'T WAIT to wake up that day, skip lunch and then ravage some turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and then go HAM on some Puerto Rican food like Arroz con Gandules, Pernil and Coquito and SO MUCH Corona Extra and Heineken!! 🍚🍗🍻🍺🍻🍺😍😍😍😍 #Thanksgiving
So I stopped by my local Ford dealership to check out the completely redesigned 2015 Mustang that was *just* unloaded off the truck and HOLY SHIT pictures don't do this machine justice 👏👍👌🙌 This is the most aggressive, powerful Mustang yet.. but she still possesses all the qualities, features and design cues that have inspired me to own 2 'Stangs so far. Most cars are either dependable and economic or sexy, heart pumping rides, but Mustangs seem to be both at the same time 😍 I feel like I'm cheating on my current 'Stang 😫 #2015FordMustangGT
My #WCW everyday is Australian model Michaela Wain (@MichaelaWain)👍😋 Nothing like a tall, gorgeous blonde woman with a mind numbingly sexy accent.. All I hear is 🎶 And did I mention that she's almost 5'9"!? 👌😰 I'm 6'3" so ladies, if you're 5'6" and over, YOU'RE the real MVP 👏😍 #WomanCrushWednesday
It's only a minor transformation (only took 45 minutes), but I think EVERY guy feels like this after getting faded up and textured out with clippers and thinning shears at the barbershop 😍 I sometimes feel that my hair growing twice as fast and being twice as thick as most men is the price I pay for not being terribly hairy 👍😫 #TransformationTuesday 📉📈
"Every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up, you'd better be running." - Ethiopian author Abe Gubegna, 1974 🐯🏃🍖🍶✈🌎💭📚💰📝🎓 #KeepItMoving
REALLY delicious and overly fattening pita stuffed with roasted lamb, tomatoes, onions and tzatziki sauce 😍😍😍😍
"A minute on the lips,
forever on the hips" 😨😓😂😂 #GyroSandwich 👌
"Sandhill Cranes can feel threatened and become aggressive toward people and pets, bringing out territorial defense behavior." NO SHIT.
"A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's *this* crazy, she has to be *this* hot. You want the girl to be above this line on the Hot-Crazy Scale. Also known as the 'Vickie Mendoza Diagonal'. This girl I dated. She played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose 10 pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job... I should give her a call." #HotCrazyScale 📈
So one of my coworkers is studying cosmetology, right? And I sometimes make not so great choices, right? Well... today I learned that I'm the most ratchet, ugly fucking woman I have ever seen in my ENTIRE LIFE 😨😨😨 #BuyMeAnAppleMartini 🍷
After a busy morning of running super tedious errands, I spent my evening at the park talking about life, the universe and everything with my best gal while watching the sunset 👍😊🐶🌄 (I'm still debating whether she loves me because I take her for fun walks and buy her squishy, noisy toys or because she's a dog and can't comprehend the nonsense I tell her 😂😂) #MansBestFriend
Well, the running shoes are dunzo'd from being sonzo'd but hey! My feet are nice and dry! My grocery store bag galoshes were a great success! 👌😂 #ThisCommunityServiceIsHorseShit
Here doing court ordered community service ( 😒) and NOT ONE pair of rain boots fits me. I'm not walking around in wet socks all day ( 😒) so I MacGyver'd the Hell outta some grocery store bags 👌😂😂😂😂😂 #JustLikeTheRealThing
My #WCW is Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman. I've never had a thing for Anne Hathaway, but I swore my pants were shrinking while watching 'The Dark Knight Rises' 😓 Nothing personal Ms. Hathaway, but it's the character, not the actress. As it turns out, Catwoman isn't ALL that bad. She isn't all that good, either 😍 #StrongAndFlexible 😍
I'm still.. in a kind of awe regarding the insane level of incompetence/absolute lack of fucks given by almost everyone I've encountered today. Whether it's been in person or over the phone, today has proven that 'Idiocracy' is happening. RIGHT NOW. 😒😒😒 #StateOfFlorida