This topic might be different to you and your situation. I don’t have my side of the family around, i have my Mother in-law and she is all we have out of all the family we got, Don’t get me wrong she does a wonderful job but it still hurts that we don’t have anyone else.

My first son was born, Travis Luke Gowans 16th of October 2014, he had a few problems – Clicky hips, hole in his heart (was a heart murmur but thats exactly how she explained it) and he had this “hormone rash”.  After his check up i cried and cried once my husband and his brother left. I was a first time mother with no one by my side, no mother or sister. I had a traumatic cesarean my spinal wore off during surgery, the baby blues which turned into Postpartum Depression.  A week later we got his rash checked out because the community nurse said to, so we did. First doctor was in Cranebook and it was a female doctor, she had told us this ” to put a HOT washer on the puss dules and they will pop” I didn’t think that sounded right as he was a newborn and you obviously DO NOT put anything HOT on a baby or child or even adult! Anywho we booked another appointment for Dr Fa, he done swabs on the puss pimples.

1 Day later, i get a phone call from him which i knew couldn’t be good. I was breastfeeding Travis on the lounge my husband was out grabbing a few things. He said   “Hi Rhian, i got your results for Travis Gowans and you need to bring him in asap i need to give you a letter and you need to go straight to emergency!” I responded then hung up bawling my eyes out to then ring my husband which he wasn’t answering but just got through the door. We rushed out i was on a HEAP of pain from my cesarean, and we got to the doctors got the note then went to emergency.

Waiting in the waiting room for no longer then 15mins, we go straight through to where a older lady was on drugs strapped to a wheelchair and yelling her number and bank details and telling everyone she was taken from her will also trying to throw her blood around from her canular. The public system is what it is i guess.. anywho the doctors came and went after we got a temporary bed in short stay. I was trying to do my first bowel movement also had real bad back pain from the spinal block. I couldn’t push but i was constipated, after birth blood along with it. I was a crying mess! We had Diane (MIL) there with us, a nurse seen me hunched over and holding me back walking slow out and she said to me.. “oh hunny, are you ok!?? do you need any pain killers?! you need to go home and rest, you just had a major surgery” I said ” No thats ok i’ve taken some” “she responded with “ok thats good, we have to take care of mum to,  So Travis will be staying in the Children’s Ward upstairs” i then asked “can we both stay up there as i’m breastfeeding” (me and pete) She said “I’m sorry we can’t it has to be you or your hubby but you should really go home and rest”  I instantly cried and she hugged me and said i will see what i can do.. (he couldn’t stay)I chose to stay to give him the breastmilk to help get him better, just doing what i thought was best. I cried and cried.. all night and day for 5 days. It turned out he had Staph on the skin and the thought it got into his blood stream. He was in contamination so he had his own room but we were allowed visitors.

Not ONE of my family members asked how i was or how Travis was, they all where there the for the first hold but no where to be seen when things got tough! We had Diane pete’s mother and Trevor Petes brother come to see travis and so we could go home and i could shower and repack more clothes as i couldn’t drive being 1 week post OP.

It hurt that no one rang, text or come to see my little boy. No support no love no nothing.. They all knew but didn’t care. He is now turning 3 in 3 months and has been in hospital for breathing problems (where he had temps and was going to go into ICU) , Celulitis, and they didn’t show or ask about him then either.

It hurts to know that family don’t care as much as we do or enough to do anything, not even pick up the phone. But you know what..They have us and its enough for them, i just sometimes wish i had more family & support in saying that i also now don’t expect it.

So if you have your mum, sister, brother be thankful for the support you get, because there are mothers out there that are doing it with none. ❤

Where ever i look there is someone rubbing something in someone else’s face.

Mum pages.. We all go there for support or advice, but why is it always competitive on who’s breastfed and who’s bottle fed and who choose’s what for their baby that someone else has better or their baby weighs more and their birth was “all natural no drugs” or not.

I think it needs to stop. Motherhood is so hard, why do others try to make it harder? Make other mums feel like crap?

Mum’s parent differently, AND THAT IS OK. We all do things our own way to suit our babies, toddlers & children. Does it honestly matter who’s baby was bigger? or who’s crawling first? No. It matters that we try every day all day to keep our kids safe, fed, cleaned & looked after. So if you don’t have nothing nice to say to a trying mother then don’t say anything at all.

I try to be the best everyday, we all do. So the last thing we need is to compete. We need to be supportive, loving and kind to other mums, let them rant. We need to build each other up.

So next time you see a post, comment on how amazing she is doing, that it will get better. Because it does, we all adapt in our own time to motherhood. Next time you see a mother trying to keep it together at the supermarkets smile, tell her she’s doing a great job. It will brighten her day.

Being more then one person in a day is very exhausting. We try endless times to make everyone happy..

The days where you feel isolated and it overwhelms you, the days where your so lonely but yet you have people around you.

It all comes and goes, the good days the trying days and the absolute crap days.

Mumma, we all get them but everyday we don’t give up! We try and try and no matter how hard it gets we still pick ourselves up.

Your doing the best you can and the smile you get and the 2 min laugh you got after the screaming for an hour it all counts, just remember they aren’t this way forever they grow into toddlers, children, teenagers & adults. You are their EVERYTHING literally.. you help them grow into the best they can be.

So wipe them tears and put on your favorite song on and open up the house and you’ll feel that bit better. It’s ok to not be ok this motherhood life is hardest job in the world.

Your babies need and love you mum.

 

Sometimes things just happen and we lose the ones we love, its one of the most heart breaking things i have ever gone through.

My son was 5 months old when my mother like figure passed away from Stage 4 Lung Cancer, i was there along with my family as she took her very last breath. That was 27th February 2015.

I couldn’t cope, i had a baby which i had no idea as as first time mum with no mother myself to help me figure it out, i couldn’t figure out who i was. I wanted to be Rhian but i wanted to be the “perfect parent” as my parents were one of the worst.

As Travis grew and the months passed it was more upsetting at the new things he would learn and his first birthday and first Christmas. Nights would end in my pillow soaking from all the tears, i would wake up from a dream about her and start crying all over again.

I had regret, loss, as well as putting all the pressure on myself about being the best mum i could be. Me and my partner would have these fights and i would shut him out and make him feel like i could do it on my own. I had a wall up for 12 months, i lost friends & family i was not coping and because i was trying to be a good mum the grief took longer because i wasn’t solely focusing on her loss.

All i wanted was her hug and voice calling me “sweetheart” one last time. I needed a mother more then any other time in my life!

Travis would scream all day and night, i would cry while he would scream. That first year was tough and til this day i still am grieving because i have had so many other things happen in the 2 years she’s been gone and i think for a very long time there will be that sadness and heartache but it won’t effect me like i did that first year.

To anyone trying to be the “best mum” and having other hard things in life going on.. Just be you and don’t be so hard on yourself and reach out for a hug, talk to someone and each day it will get easier, we just learn how to deal with the loss and it gets easier to cope.

Please talk to someone or reach out for help if your showing signs of depression, We’re all here for you and there is alot of people that want to help and be there for you.

Rest in peace Aunty Di ❤

• C E S A R E A N & Pregnancy: my body carried two babies and made life. It was stretched to its limits. It was barely coping. Cesarean or Natural it’s giving birth. There’s lots of things I didn’t know that was in the process of the 6-8 week recovery. They say that time frame but it’s more like 12 months! Your cut layer by layer and stretched open for them to reach baby. Then to be sown back up. You can’t walk or use your tummy muscles if you do it’s painful. Your expected to walk next day and you can’t use your tummy muscles because they just had been cut torn and sown up. Your first toilet trip is terrifying pushing in any way hurts. It’s like you have to learn how to use that muscle again. Back pain, swelling, can’t lay flat have to sleep sitting up and use your arm muscles to bring you up or to stand up. You lean back your muscles can’t tighten to bring you forward. And much more.. it’s how my babies were brought into this world. It’s how my tummy is now. We can’t change the stretch marks or the scar it’s just how it is. We often don’t ever see the aftermath of it all. This is it. Their first home to two beautiful baby boys. #cesarean #birth #cesareanbirth #cesareanwithoutfear #csection #csectionrecovery #postpartum #9weeks #csectionmom #csectionscar #stretchmarks #stretchmark #scar #hometobabies #pregnancy #likeforlike #like4like #like #parents #mummy #mummyblogger #mummylife #mummyblog #mumlife #mums #follow #followme #instadaily