FORGIVE AND FORGET NOT REVENGE AND REGRET

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I just want to share my true life story so we can learn and be inspired to be right. We are humans, we make mistakes every day but its left for us to learn from our mistakes. I met this guy in 2001 when I was writing my high school final exam, his name is Jeff. We fell in love, He was everything a woman would ask for; he is fair, handsome, intelligent and God fearing, he loved me so much, he shared the little he had with me, he was willing to do anything I ask though he didn’t have much because he was still in His second year at university of Toronto. He did everything possible for me to gain admission into the university. I eventually gained admission in 2003 University of  Toronto were i studied practical nursing and graduated in 2007. I don’t know what came over me, I had a fling with this guy named Martins. Though I never loved him, but I became pregnant for him. I didn’t know what to do, but terminating the pregnancy was not an option. I didn’t want to lose Jeff. It was as if my world has crumbled.

“I didn’t tell anybody not even my best friend because I never could tell what would happen if I did. I made a smart move by telling Jeff I was pregnant for him. “Of course, he believed me because he trusted me so much but I betrayed his love for me. He came to see my family, though my parents are dead.
“I eventually put to bed; a baby girl. This was in 2008. Do you know what? my baby was exactly the carbon copy of Martins the guy I had a fling with! “I was not surprised cause I knew Jeff wasn’t responsible for the pregnancy but I thought the baby would look like me, Of course, I was wrong. However Jeff accepted us even when he knew the baby does not look like him or me.”Ever since”, I have been dying in silence keeping such a huge secret within, My conscience kept killing me. At a point, I hated my own child seeing a picture of another man in her. My husband Jeff loved her more than anything. “In 2010, I had a baby boy for my husband. My joy knew no bounds. I was really happy, my husband was happy as well. “In 2012, I had another baby boy for my husband Jeff. Even at that, he loved my daughter more than his two biological sons. At a point, I became jealous but what can I do. I just couldn’t bear it any more so I decided to give my life to Christ and beg God for forgiveness which I know he has done.

“This I did because I couldn’t continue to die in silence. It was up to me to confess to my husband but how would I achieve that without breaking a home i spent years to build? I didn’t want to loose my home, I loved my husband and my kids. “He is a wonderful man but I betrayed him. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to confess to him… On the set day, I first called him on phone to ask him if he would ever forgive me. He asked what I meant by that. He asked if I was alright and I said yes. He hanged up on me. I cried my eyes out. “When he came back from work that same day, I served him his dinner. After that, I went with him in the room and told him to forgive me that he should not punish our daughter for what she does not know about but punish me.”He asked again what I meant by that. I narrated everything that transpired between Martins and I. To my greatest surprise, he dropped a bombshell. He said he knew all these years that he was not the biological father of our 4-year old daughter.”I asked why he never bothered to ask me? He said he knew someday I was going to tell him but he never knew it would come this soon.

“It was as if the floor should open and swallow me. I was so ashamed of my self that I bowed my face in tears but he cuddled me tightly and said i should not be surprised he is not mad at me or made the worst decisions in reacting to my mistake cause to be human means to be flawed and lack of forgiveness is the ugliest of all flaws, and someday i will realize the secret of being free is to “forgive and forget not revenge and regret”,  letting things unfold in their own way and time, after all what matters is not the first chapter of our life but the last chapter which shows how well we ran the race so he forgave me a long time ago, He said that we pray every day OUR FATHER FORGIVE US OUR SINS AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US so why won’t he forgive me if he wants to be forgiven by God? “He said no one is perfect and that we make mistakes in life. He said I was a nice person and we have been through a lot in life So he cannot abandon me now i need him the most. He told me he could possibly do the wrong thing by throwing me out so people will laugh at me but he will rather cover my shame and embrace me with love cause this is were it counts the most….., and  as far as he is concerned, she is his daughter cause He has always seen her as one and he will always love us, These were his words…..
“I was short of words listening to all he said and realizing he knew all this years but never treated me badly or reacted to it on any occasion, rather he showed me so much love and waited patiently for me to open up not caring how long it will take”, all I could do was cry and thank him and thank God for the kind of man he has given me cause it only takes the grace of God to create so much love and virtue in a man.

“I am now a happy and free person and I have given my life to Jesus Christ even more. We must learn how to confess our sins no matter how hard or difficult we think it is so an inner peace can be active in our daily living. and as well learn how to forgive.”We currently live in the UK and our daughter is the brightest in her class, we also had our two boys in the UK.”
“There are fairy tales we can create in our life’s if we learn to forgive and also let go of those secrets that limits our happiness and creates weights in our hearts. “

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

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After my normal adventure, when I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 50% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal

a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at the last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

immediately I drove to the office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold,love,adore and cherish every moment until death do us apart…

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction our son might have if the divorce goes through… At least, in the eyes of our son –I’m a loving husband—

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Michael.