Another Shattered Dream

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Once again my torch goes out. Another star fades away.
Another knife is twisted. My heart feels familiar pain.
The spring in my step is lost. The sparkle in my eye has gone.
Another weight drags me down. Yet again it’s time to mourn.
To mourn a love that never was, just another might have been.
Another fantasy in my head. Another pathetic dream.
A dream that was so out of reach. One that could never have come true.
For I am just little me, too lowly for the likes of you.
Yet still this didn’t stop me from hoping that we could be.
That we could make a life together; one that was happy and care-free.
But all too soon it disappeared. My dream got ripped in two.
For when I looked at you today, the truth it just shone through.
The battle scar upon your neck that was apparently made in love.
The uninterested look I got that said I wasn’t enough.
The change in your demeanour; the blankness of your stare.
It was all enough to tell me that you just didn’t care.
And that was when I felt the pain; the blow to my head and heart.
And I realised I was dreaming a dream of a love that will never start.
And I saw that I was once again wasting my precious time,
By investing my life in someone who wasn’t willing to invest in mine.

You Fight

~ aheadfulofwords ~ 1 Comment

When things get you down, should you give in?
Should you accept that you’re not going to win?
No! You stand up and stare life in the face
You show it who’s boss and fight for your place
Your place in this world, wherever that may be
A life you deserve in which you’re happy
A life free from sadness; a life free from woe
A life that fulfils you wherever you go
One that’ll be remembered by many to come
One that’ll be treasured by all those you love
So pick up that chin and stop feeling blue
Stand up, be strong and go fight for you.

What do you see?

~ aheadfulofwords ~ 5 Comments

Here I stand in front of you, so tell me what you see.
Enlighten me to what you think. How am I perceived?
Who is it you think I am? What judgements have you made?
What do you think I’ve seen and done? Which of my streets have you paved?
But if I’m truly honest, I couldn’t care any less
About what you think of me, so come on do your best.
For I will never show you what I hold inside.
It’s a part of me that from you I’ll always hide.
You’ll never know the real me, what it is that makes me tick.
The things that I believe in. The people that make me sick.
The experiences I have been through. The pain that I have felt.
The love that has warmed my heart. The cards that I’ve been dealt.
For you’ve already judged me. You think you’ve sussed me out.
You think you know who I am, but the truth is you’ll never find out.
For I will never open up or find space in my life
For somebody as shallow as you who’s not willing to give me time

Here I am

~ aheadfulofwords ~ 1 Comment

So here I am, this is me
Sitting and waiting patiently
For what exactly? I’m not sure
Perhaps for someone to show me more
Or something big to come my way
To make my skies a little less grey
To make my life feel more worthwhile
To come along and make me smile
To believe in me and all my dreams
No matter how stupid they may seem
To show the way when life gets hard
To shine a light into the dark
The darkness that I seem to find
In every corner of my mind
The darkness that stops me in my tracks
That always has me looking back
That always scares me to the core
I don’t know what it’s looking for
And why it’s engulfing my mind so
Oh how I want to stop this ghost
The ghost that dances round my head
That fills my whole being with dread
That wakes me up in the night
That wraps me up and squeezes tight
That pushes me down and pulls me under
A pathetic life broken asunder
But until this darkness disappears
My eyes will always be full of tears
So I’ll sit and wait and pray and hope
That one day I’ll escape these ghosts
And that someone may come along
To sing to me a soft sweet song
That’ll drive away my demon days
And change all my destructive ways
And help me see through brand new eyes
That I can rid me of this guise
And I can live a life that’s free
From all this pain and misery
And I can be a brand new me
Who leads a life much less ugly
But to find the saviour that I seek
I must also look very deep
Deep within me, in my heart
Then I can make a brand new start
And I can hold my head up high
There’ll be no more tears left to cry
And I can make this darkness go
I’m the only one who can save me so.

I used to be strong

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Going out of my mind over someone I barely know
Never did I realise this is the way my life would go
I was always such a strong girl, in my heart and in my head
But nowadays I analyse every little word that’s said
I’m not sure when the tables turned; when I became so weak
Or when I decided that validation is what I needed to seek
But for some unknown reason, I’m a shadow of my former self
I’ve taken myself out the running, put myself upon a shelf
Yet nobody is going to respect me or believe a word I say
If I don’t stand up and be counted; if I don’t walk my own way
So I think the time has finally come to regain the strength I had
To start feeling proud of myself, to stop feeling so sad
To stop this endless battle, to believe in what I think
To put myself at number one; always trust my gut instinct
To not let anybody bring me down or make me feel so low
To point my body, head and heart in the way I want to go
And not let anybody hold me back or make me lose my mind
To finally have faith in me. That old strength I need to find.

Lost

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Standing in the street all alone
Wondering which way will lead me home
Waiting for something or someone to come
Waiting to turn around and run
To run away from all the pain
To find a place where I feel sane
A place in which I can really be me
A place in which I can be happy
But the longer I wait it’s clear to see
That nobody is coming to rescue me
So slowly I begin to move my feet
With every step the pain sinks deep
I drag my legs along the road
Looking for a path to lead me home
Looking for a light that shines so bright
To pave my way in the lonely night.

How is it fair?

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I want to know how this is fair
That you appear to be everywhere
In my mind; every place I go
In my heart and every song I know
How do you make me feel so weak?
Why have I become so meek?
What have I done to get like this?
To fall into such a huge abyss
The worst thing is I barely know you
I don’t know how you do what you do
Or how it is you’ve gained this power
To control my mind every waking hour
To haunt me even when I sleep
To be the reason that I weep
Somehow you’ve become my only dream
But you’re an obsession; a might have been
Because I know we’ll never be
Never together, never happy
Never a couple, never a pair
You’re not someone with whom I’ll share
All my secrets and inner thoughts
All I’ve learnt and all I’ve taught
All my loves and all my fears
All the things that cause my tears
Because you’re just another guy
Who made me feel a little high
By giving me what I craved
A smile, a kiss, some chat, a wave
And then you walked out of my life
Knowing what you’d left behind
And it seems that you don’t care
Please tell me how this is fair.

Bad and Unrequited

~ aheadfulofwords ~ 2 Comments

Why is it that we fall in love with people that are so wrong?
So wrong for us and for our life, why are we so drawn?
Drawn to those we know are bad, yet ones we can’t be without.
They’re always the ones that leave us hurt. Usually the ones who are cowards.

They take what they can and leave the rest, knowing that they’ve won.
Won a place in our hearts, knowing they can’t do wrong.
They’re always there when they need us but never the other way round.
They know they’re welcome any time but will disappear without a sound.

Yet still we hold them in high regard. They’re the only star in our sky.
Up there shining really bright; a symbol of love that’ll never die.
And so it goes on this torturous ride, waiting for love to be returned.
But we know that day’ll never come. This fire will forever burn.

And although we’ll always provide the wood, and the heat will forever rise.
The only warmth and light we’ll see are the flames dancing in our eyes.
And even when the wind picks up and blows the smoke off course,
You know the love will still burn strong, for the smoke just blinds us more.