I haven't written in a while. I think i've gone through a bit of a silent moment. I'm not really sure why, but I couldn't find any topics that moved me enough to explore my own perspective publicly. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed by my work at school, but i really think it's good for me to take the time to write something.
I had a very interesting conversation with someone last night. One that was centred around the self and the perceptions that people might have about others. I described how hard it is for me in social situations to meet new people and be comfortable conversing with them casually. The specific situation that we spoke about was one in which i met a friend to hang out in the evening. They had said that they were hanging out with other friends and that I should join. I was hesitant, as I always am, because I wasn't feeling life and didn't have the energy to pretend I was. Especially around new people.
I went anyways, because my friend said that they would only be there a little longer, then we would be alone. I met up with them and introduced myself to the friends. I can tell you honestly that I don't remember their names. I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation too deeply because i knew i could rely on our mutual friend to lead it and mediate between the four of us. We had a very indifferent talk about politics and Trump and life and people. I was on my phone most of the time, inputing a few words here and there. I realized after they had left that I should have really been invested. I should have taken the time to really acknowledge these two people as their own selves and not friends of a friend. I worried, therefor, about the way that I was being perceived.
How would these people walk away being positively impacted by me?
They wouldn't.
Does this matter?
Yes.
I honestly think that these people won't be thinking about this. They probably walked away thinking about the pizza they were going to eat or what episode of doctor who they would watch. The point is that in order for me to feel as though i am giving myself worth, i need to be able to have healthy and impactful interactions with people.
I know it's strange to think about and to worry constantly what people might think of me but i'm only human. I enjoy social media because it allows me to have distance between myself and those that view me. I have no face to face contact with people i've never met before and have no obligation to try. I can be the self that I am. Some people might feel this is wrong. being a different self than, perhaps, your "true" - yuck whatever this is getting cheesy - self. What is mean is that when you're with others you change. You are someone slightly different with everyone that you interact with. I feel that we absorb the qualities we see in others and they build upon who we are. We are slightly different when we speak to one friend than when we speak to another, and I don't see this as a bad thing.
Being able to show your genuine interest in someone allows you to then feel comfortable showing yourself and absorbing them good vibes. I'm learning to open up and go past the uncomfortable by making an effort to take part in conversation with those that I have only just met. In addition, i've tried to really understand who they are as people so that they make an impact on me. This allows me to meet with them again in the future, by choice or chance, and be able to say
"hey i know you, you're that dude that told me about how you can grow grass to be rainbow coloured".
that's pretty cool. I'm working on it. not the grass, the being invested.
you should too.
I had a very interesting conversation with someone last night. One that was centred around the self and the perceptions that people might have about others. I described how hard it is for me in social situations to meet new people and be comfortable conversing with them casually. The specific situation that we spoke about was one in which i met a friend to hang out in the evening. They had said that they were hanging out with other friends and that I should join. I was hesitant, as I always am, because I wasn't feeling life and didn't have the energy to pretend I was. Especially around new people.
I went anyways, because my friend said that they would only be there a little longer, then we would be alone. I met up with them and introduced myself to the friends. I can tell you honestly that I don't remember their names. I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation too deeply because i knew i could rely on our mutual friend to lead it and mediate between the four of us. We had a very indifferent talk about politics and Trump and life and people. I was on my phone most of the time, inputing a few words here and there. I realized after they had left that I should have really been invested. I should have taken the time to really acknowledge these two people as their own selves and not friends of a friend. I worried, therefor, about the way that I was being perceived.
How would these people walk away being positively impacted by me?
They wouldn't.
Does this matter?
Yes.
I honestly think that these people won't be thinking about this. They probably walked away thinking about the pizza they were going to eat or what episode of doctor who they would watch. The point is that in order for me to feel as though i am giving myself worth, i need to be able to have healthy and impactful interactions with people.
I know it's strange to think about and to worry constantly what people might think of me but i'm only human. I enjoy social media because it allows me to have distance between myself and those that view me. I have no face to face contact with people i've never met before and have no obligation to try. I can be the self that I am. Some people might feel this is wrong. being a different self than, perhaps, your "true" - yuck whatever this is getting cheesy - self. What is mean is that when you're with others you change. You are someone slightly different with everyone that you interact with. I feel that we absorb the qualities we see in others and they build upon who we are. We are slightly different when we speak to one friend than when we speak to another, and I don't see this as a bad thing.
Being able to show your genuine interest in someone allows you to then feel comfortable showing yourself and absorbing them good vibes. I'm learning to open up and go past the uncomfortable by making an effort to take part in conversation with those that I have only just met. In addition, i've tried to really understand who they are as people so that they make an impact on me. This allows me to meet with them again in the future, by choice or chance, and be able to say
"hey i know you, you're that dude that told me about how you can grow grass to be rainbow coloured".
that's pretty cool. I'm working on it. not the grass, the being invested.
you should too.